philsquest

the adventure I find myself in / das Abenteuer in dem ich mich finde

Category: my journey

Meaning in life

Thinking about living in this world three things come to my mind. Journey, connected, and balance. Of course there is a lot more, but those three I ponder at the moment 🙂

The word journey became more important to me over the last years because living life feels to me like a journey. It has a beginning and an end. There are so many surprises around the bends, so much to discover and to learn. I would say that I am definitely on a spiritual journey. I guess for me the spiritual is foundational even though in this world we emphasis the material, physical one (like age, achievements and accumulations) The spiritual dimension is far bigger then the material. Something even after so many years of studying and trying to understand I have only a small amount of experience and knowledge.

The word connected means to me more then have a facebook account. But then I guess connectedness has many levels. (I am connected to a lot of people through facebook 🙂 Connections in life go from superficial to very deep and so forth. There are the connections through blood with the family. There can be no denial of the connection we have with parents and siblings as estranged they may be. Then there is of course for me the connection with my wife, a union. The strongest connection I have with another human being by choice. (no one can choose their birth families)  But even stronger I see the spiritual connection to my creator. There is a deeper connection I often don’t really understand. The love of God that goes deeper and the understanding is an everlasting process. I was connected to God without knowing when I was growing up and only growing in understanding by being on this journey with Christ.

“So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.  Eph. 3:17-19

Because we were made by God and will go back to Him I  feel this spiritual connection is the strongest but the least understood. The deepest connections I believe are spiritual. Be that with God or to others. We have an eternal soul, I would say we are spiritual beings that will have a spiritual body when we pass on (1. Cor. 15) Life and connectedness is so much bigger then ourselves. Something eternal.

With balance I mean the balance in Body, Soul and Mind. The spiritual aspect is the center of it all and perhaps the part that is asleep most of the time. I think we go through life mostly  unbalanced. Out of balance and therefore a bit shaky on the journey. We emphasize one more then the other two. Simply said if I detach my feelings from my thinking, or doing without feelings etc. I will be kind of stuck and never fully grow to fullness or to who we are meant to be.

Enough philosophizing. Just some thoughts on a beautiful Sunday. Enjoying the fact that God loves me.

 

 

 

Closed indefinitely

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Lillian took this photo when we we in Pai last week. The note stuck to a little second hand book shop. I had to grin because it is one of those things that on some days makes Thailand very charming and on other days it can drive you into madness.

There is no date on this note. So the ten days could have started 9 days ago or Yesterday and there is no way to know, expect maybe to ask the neighbor who probably doesn't know either. The shop keeper must live very much in the moment. One day he or she said to himself I go away for ten days, took out his or her crayons and created a piece of art putting alot of thoughts into it by choosing different colors and cutting away the edges of the boring A4 printing paper. The shop keeper packed the bag and walked away never to be seen again for just ten days……

In my urge to define goals, setting deadlines, making appointments and defining the things in my life I realized I lost the freedom of just saying: "closed for ten days". (indefinitely) Perhaps I will be back, sooner or later I will for sure because those things are kind of important. But sometimes I need to live in the moment without giving an explanation; just perhaps a note that says that I am gone.

 

Doors and Windows

Barely enough time to update my blog, or sometimes I am just to tired to sit behind my computer. Yesterday I cam from another trip in Hui Kau Laam. Talk with Cati and Mida about the construction project and plans to open a preschool in Hui Kau Laam. I also brought the windows and doors for the house from Chiang Mai. I also visited Enoch who was on an outreach in the Hot area and got very sick. He is doing better but is still very weak. After praying for him I headed back to Chiang Mai. After Chai Pragarn I got stopped by the drug police. After some questioning they let me go quite impressed with my Thai. This brings me to the Thai lesson I had this morning. I actually feel that the Thai lessons I started taking this year are paying off. Communication is becoming much easier. Still I have a long way to go.
Check out the house in Hui Kau Laam with the finished roof on questasia.org

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On the Way

I am on the way. Not only in the mountains. But also in my life. I reached mid-life (what a stupid term, especially because we don’t really know when we reached it). I realized that alot of what I learned over the years catch up with me and impact me for change. Change is good. I never wanted to stay in my secure little world. To be on the journey of life is never without some sort of stress or even fear. I have no idea what may come. Still I am learning so many things right no. It seems like experience and knowledge slowly comes together. This o course clashes with certain convictions as well. But in my core beliefs I feel strongly confirmed. This photo shows the Prao valley. Often when I drove through between the rice fields I felt this hope, sensed this peace that God is with me.
I don’t have answers to alot of questions in my life and I feel that even though my knowledge and life experience increases I lack understanding. But what it be. I am still on the road, on my journey.

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Men’s challenge Weekend

Friday evening and Saturday I went to my first men’s retreat ever. I actually signed up only two days before, because I have quite a hard time with deciding to bear my heart once more in front of strangers. In the past I have been in numerous seminars and conferences.

The two days were about the stages of personal and spiritual maturity in a man’s life. This got my attention. I feel like when it comes to my journey with Jesus I long to become more mature and learn from others who are further on the path.

I enjoyed the fellowship and get to know some of the guys at the weekend. We had some good input and shared about each others experiences. In all it was a good time.

Lord of the rings

I just finished reading the Lord of the rings. I read it about 15 years ago and part of it when the movies came out. I really got into the book fast and enjoyed the reading very much. There are so many more details in the book which are not found in the movies, even in the directors cut. I like the movies a lot and saw them several times, but the actual book is a lot better.
The story is a fantasy story with a lot of thing that speak to me. I felt a longing to be part of that story. I know this sounds ridiculous. But I guess it has to do with wanting to have purpose and be interwoven in a important story, to have meaning and become a hero on the way. It is a story of good and evil and how good prevails. It is also a story of having roots, history, rich of tradition and culture.
There is one thing I wondered about the story. There is no mention of God, or gods, or any religion. There are the evils and the good and a mention of a heaven. I never thought of it before.
One of the nicest pictures in the story is the change of Aragorn who is known as Strider at the beginning of the story and becomes the High King of Gondor. But as the old lore says:

"The hands of the king are the hands of the healer, and so shall the rightful king be known"

Aragorn changes from a hidden heir to the throne to a leader and healer of his people. At the end of the book a new age starts in middle earth. An age of peace. A place where it is save to travel to parts where nobody dared before. The land is healed and many years later the wounds of war will only be a memory and part of lore.
I am part of a story. Perhaps not that important to world peace and overcoming evil. But perhaps more like one of the lesser characters I play my part in the story of this world, my family, friends and my people. I will never be the one recognized as the one who destroyed evil, the healer, or protector. I may never have big titles or being honored in high places. At least not in this world. Still I feel that the parts I play may have more relevance in the big picture then I think.

The speed of life

Lately I process through a lot of things in my life. Surely not the first time. But I catch myself struggling with the fact that I get older. Not physically. I am in better shape then some years ago. The struggle is more with my soul.

"However fast a man travels, the soul travels at the speed of a camel."

"Hitchhikers guide to the  galaxy"

About 18 years ago after my baptism I got this verse from a friend:

"If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses?"   

"Jeremiah 12:5"

Often it feels like I’m going through life with a speed that leaves the soul behind. I have times where I slow down. This is most often when I’m on holidays or I travel. There my soul comes to a rest and regenerates. Unfortunately those times are not here that often. The Last week of teaching near Mae Sot was such a time. My Soul got a rest. It seems also that my Spirit is revived and I can feel the Holy Spirit taking excursions from there into my soul. December has started and today is what we call the "first advent". It’s the time of the year where I want too look back and reflect on the year. I want to learn from the past, I need to take more care of my soul…

About an old life

I watched the Return of the King the other evening. Nearly at the end Frodo reflects on his adventure and thinks/writes the following:

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life. How do you get on when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back. There is some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go to deep, that have taken hold."

I wondered about that. I believe that Jesus heals and I received a lot of inner healing over the years. Life with God changed me, and I guess the new creation taking shape has to do with it.

Still there are things in our lives, wounds that are to stay. Often for me it felt like a great weakness and hindrance on my way. But God says to let His mercy be sufficient for us, then in He is strong in our weaknesses. There is no going back in my life to change my past. There are some things that make me sad, things that cannot be mend. At least not in this life time. Hurts have taken hold.

This sounds very depressing and it would be if I would not have the hope that I will pass on to a life beyond this where I will get understanding, healing and closure. Frodo went of with the elves and left his life behind to start something new. On day my journey here will end passing over to a new adventure.

 

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